Welcome to Ni Chicha Ni Limonada. I've got a passion to share and write about who I am, where I come from, my faith and where I'm going. It is a journey full of pain and joy and defeat and hope. A little bit of this and little bit of that.
Working out is a pain for a lot of people. Most of the time its really hard for me to find the motivation to actually get started. But... "I never regret it when I do it, but I always regret it when I don't." David McDonald Vinson.
Today was no different, it was a struggle to get started. And I was looking for a little challenge. My friend Anna hand mentioned this website; bodyrock.tv a little bit ago and I decided to give it a try. Good grief this girl will kick your butt!
So if you want some motivation and your muscles to feel like jelly, try one of her work outs. I promise you, it will hurt!
Here I am cooking some lunch and my apartment filled up with smoke from some slightly burnt onion. So I walk over to our porch to open the sliding door and notice a dad and a little boy playing baseball across the street. It made me smile. And then I noticed the dad was actually talking on the phone. That was about 20 minutes ago. I just re-checked and he's still on the phone.
Parents today, making their children proud one day at a time.
I've been running a lot over the last couple of months. I personally like the treadmill. A lot of runners don't like the treadmill, I love it because its easy to monitor my speed and how I keep improving. I started walking at 3.5mph in October and I'm currently running at 7mph for about 25 minutes almost every day.
Sometimes its really hard to get motivated to get on the treadmill and just go. But once I get moving I just feel so cleansed, energized, motivated, inspired and just plain awesome. Its helped me not only physically, but also emotionally.
Well, I love running. I got myself on that treadmill today and my knee started hurting. I had to cut my run short by 10 minutes. I tried pushing through it. But I had to just stop before I completely injured my knee. It was incredibly frustrating, I just wanted to keep going.
But what can you do about it. Sometimes you just gotta stop and take a rest. Instead of worrying too much about it, I'm gonna ice my knee, get some rest, have some of my very delicious banana bread with Nutella and get on that treadmill tomorrow.
I've recently been browsing the CNN page on a regular basis and I've come across this very marvelous columnist; LZ Granderson. The first article I read of his was Parents, don't dress your girls like trampsParents, don't dress your girls like tramps which was fantastic. So when I saw Why I believe in God by the same author it really caught my eye. As I read the article I became thoroughly uninterested. Another opinion about this Rob Bell book. I haven't read it, I quite frankly have no interest in reading it. Not because I believe its wrong or right or blessed by God or cursed by Him, but because I don't define my faith by the numerous Christian opinionated authors who claim to have interpreted the Bible in the right way.
However I did finish reading the article and this phrase really caught my eye;
"To admit doubt removes the arrogance of certainty prevalent in so many evangelical Christians and atheists alike and replaces it with the humility -- and even peace -- that comes with not knowing the answers. I do not find the mystery to represent the absence of God but rather his presence." LZ Granderson
What about powerful truth. We do not have all the answers, we can't possibly have all the answers and the most important at all is we don't NEED to have all the answers!
"One of the biggest problems with religion in general, and evangelical Christianity in particular, is the claim of having definitive answers about an infinite being. But true faith does not require us to have all of the answers. Faith, as it relates to spirituality, isn't knowing something others don't know -- we call that a secret -- but rather belief in something that can't be empirically proven or disproven." LZ Granderson
God does not require us to have all the answers. How liberating. All He asks of us is that we trust our whole lives into His hands by accepting Him as our Lord and Savior.
As I graduated from high school and moved into my college life I had a little too much confidence, a little too much wisdom and a little too much freedom. I (in all my wisdom) knew I did not need Christ or God or church or anything of that sort. All I needed was my friends, my philosophical and world view enlightening new classes, my very cool boyfriend and an early morning beer. But, I was wrong. Everything came crumbling down around me. The usual drama. The point is that after about six months of positively and very effectively destroying myself, God finally and very lovingly poured a cold bucket of ice water over me.
The lesson I learned was that in my hands and under my control my life would essentially break into so many pieces that I would never be able to put them back together again. I was being spread out too thin. I was weak and helpless and the only one who could ever help me was Him. This prompted my journey as His daughter. I no longer rejected Him, but embraced Him.
Over the years I got distracted. Though I never stopped believing and knowing that He is God. But I, again got a little too confident and wise.
Due to plane crash in 2008 I live with PTSD. Over time I have overcome quite a bit and I'm very grateful for that. But PTSD is not something that just goes away. I struggle with nightmares and insomnia (its currently 2am.) I will unexpectedly break into tears at the mention of a plane crash. I very often have panic attacks while driving or in a car depending on the conditions (usually high winds make it worse.) Amongst many other terrors. The more I try to take a hold of my life and PTSD the harder it gets, the weaker I feel and the more I fail.
And then I remember my story and the lesson I learned. I have not the power to overcome anything on my own, but through God I can overcome anything. Psalm 23 (specifically verse 4)
1 The Lord is my shepherd;
I have all that I need. 2 He lets me rest in green meadows;
he leads me beside peaceful streams. 3 He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
bringing honor to his name. 4 Even when I walk
through the darkest valley,[a]
I will not be afraid,
for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
protect and comfort me. 5 You prepare a feast for me
in the presence of my enemies.
You honor me by anointing my head with oil.
My cup overflows with blessings. 6 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord
forever.
I grew up in the midst of many Christian denominations. Mainly Lutheran and Catholic and eventually Evangelical. I've had countless and exhausting discussions about theology and theory, about wrong and right, about doctrine. I've read many books by many Christian authors, I've been taught by Christian teachers. I've been to so many churches I can't even count them with both my hands and my toes. Gosh, I even went to Bible school for a year. Everybody has an opinion.
What has all this really done to Christianity? In my opinion, it makes us all look a little ridiculous. I feel like I'm part of a sport (take your pick; baseball, soccer, football) where we all have a team and we all cheer for ourselves and chant jeers against the others. How silly. And how wrong: Mark 7:6-7 But it isn't really about us, is it? Its about God: Psalm 146: 5-9/ 1 Chronicles 29:11-14
There are some skewed views of what Jesus taught. And I truly believe that one day those who twist and turn what He meant for us will answer to God. But they will not answer to us. So what do we do? Do we close our mouths and let the havoc reign over us? Heck no! But I'm positive we're not going to gain anything by discussing the matter or writing books and having debates about it.
The question is what are we called to do?
Luke 4:18-19
Zechariah 7:9-10
Isaiah 58
We're called to honor Him. To do as He did. To love as He did. To follow Him. Its not complicated, but its not easy.
So I refuse to take a part in this cheering and jeering. I'm just going to follow Him.
In the past I never had major problems sleeping. About two and a half years ago I was in an accident that prompted nightmares and some serious sleeping issues that required some medication to help me sleep.
I have been able to recover from this accident in many ways and have overcome many hurdles along the way. But like many people who have lived the torments of PTSD I have re-occurring episodes of which I have absolutely no control of and no warning.
Lately it's been a struggle. I fall asleep just fine. I'm at peace and comfortable in my bed. Suddenly I'm awake, terrified, breathing heavily and sometime I'm in tears. I know that whatever it is I was dreaming woke me up. But I never remember what it is the dream was.
I write this now just to get it out. I'm awake, when less than two hours ago I was blissfully falling asleep. I'm frustrated. I'm angry. I'm scared. I'm exhausted. I feel defeated. Just one of the many terrors that pop into my life uninvited.
I've always been a writer. I journal. I vent on paper. I write poems. I write stories. I just write all them time. Lately I've found myself finding it impossible to put words on paper, on screen, even on a simple napkin. I can't write what I feel, what I think. And now I can’t.
I can't write because
I'm too angry too sad
too frustrated
too confused
too polite
too concerned
too afraid too enraged
too tired
too overwhelmed
too divided
too stimulated
too bored too lost
too emotional
too alone too trapped
too proud too mournful
too regretful
too anxious
too depressed
too embarrassed
too guilty
too hateful
too apathetic
too annoyed
TOO MUCH!
I feel as if I would explode
Aquí vengo con todo lo que tengo. Con ira. Con frustración. Con una frueza que no vas a poder detener. Hazte a un lado por que no vas a poder detenereme. No vas a poder enterender. Solo salte de mi camino y dejame salir de aquí. Ya no aguanto más. Me voy a dormir por ahora.
